Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
