This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
where am i from again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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