oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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