i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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