I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
