It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
