The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
