Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
