So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
