ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
