when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
