I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
