things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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