At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
