Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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