i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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