I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fuck appropriateness.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
