So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
