I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
