PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
