she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
