she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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