wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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