yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
