Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
