she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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