His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
