so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Congratulations! We have a period
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