We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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