My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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