Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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