and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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