I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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