I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
