What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
