you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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