She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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