yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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