Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's great music for shaving your balls
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
