i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
