Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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