break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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