I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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