it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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