just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
