Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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