Can i not drive my cunt home
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
