So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
