fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
