For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
