Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
