im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
