wat bout pragnant strippers??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's like heaven, but drunker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
